IELTS advantages and disadvantages Essay: Differences between countries

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits, and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?

Пишем эссе в четыре шага:

Шаг 1: формулируем 1 преимущество и 1 недостаток во вступлении + пишем какую сторону поддерживаем:

With each passing year similarities between countries grow in number. Currently, the population of many countries embrace identical fashions, advertising, brands, culinary preferences, and shows, aired on television. I believe that the benefits of globalization far outweigh its drawbacks because the prosperity of the society is the root cause of further development and evolution. This essay will firstly discuss overall wealth as the main benefit, followed by an analysis of the major drawback which is the assumed loss of national identity.

Шаг 2: поясняем преимущество+ пример для подкрепления вашей позиции:

One of the principal advantages of globalization is the increased wealth of participating in its countries due to free trade. The reason for this is that if it were not for the existence of business links, the outbreaks of military conflicts could be quite possible in the long run. The reason for this is that the prosperity of citizens cannot be emphasized too much sense if the county’s riches are distributed more or less evenly among its population, the people are content and do not pursue desires to improve their material situation on account of their neighbours. Thus, not only does a nation avoid engaging in warfare, but it also contributes to the well being of its neighbours. For example, having carried out geopolitical research, scientists have revealed that the hotbeds of economic, social and military problems are usually poor, underdeveloped and highly religious countries. Not relevant example

Шаг 3: поясняем недостаток + подкрепляем примером:

The main disadvantage associated with globalization is, admittedly, the diminishing of cultural and historical peculiarities among nationalities (NOT CLEAR IF IT IS NEGATIVE OR NOT). This implies the emergence of universal culture, where differences between members of ethnic groups are dropped. However, it is clear that what occurs, in reality, is not a drawback but evolution. Valuable as cultural traditions are, the efficiency of habits is better measured with the wealth of the nation. The best illustration for this would be any developed country: despite the fact that they are inhabited not only by core nationality but also by immigrants with different cultural backgrounds. These states are wealthy, and all cultures enrich the overall population’s traditions. 43 words – TOO LONG AND HARD TO READ

Шаг 4: в заключении дублируем наше мнение:

In conclusion, in my opinion, the benefits of globalization outweigh the disadvantages because universal prosperity leads to an open, free and peaceful world. (NO SUMMARY OF 2 ARGUMENTS)

Grammar errors: 2 minor

Vocabulary inaccuracies: really (informal),

economical -> economic

Advanced Grammar Structures: 5

Less commonly used vocabulary: 10+

Cohesive & Reference Devices: 5+6

Approximate Band 7.0

Task Achievement 6.0

Coherence and Cohesion 7.0

Lexical Resource 7.5

Grammatical Range and Accuracy 7.5